All about the family

In one word I can give with you one of my biggest takeaways from my latest trip to Ghana.

It’s hard to think of anything more important. 

Filled with beauty. 

Filled with power. 

To spend time with them.

Listen to them. 

And support them. 

One week ago today, I experienced a powerful and life changing moment. 

Not a day has passed without reflection.. 

I was walking in the village with my Uncle Gershon when he pointed to a building and said..

“This is the school I went to.” 

“That’s a school?”. 

It looked like an old ranch style house, except there were no doors and no windows. 

From afar you would think it was an abandoned building. 

Wanting to get closer, I asked if we could go and see. 

We walked right up to the school and walked directly inside of a classroom. 

No entrance, no lobby, no office, no hallway. 

Just dirt road to classroom. 

The moment we walked in, all I could see were beautiful children. 

And all I could hear were the sounds of desks and chairs moving..

every single child stood up and welcomed us. 

“Good Afternoon”. 

I was touched.

At the same time my heart was sinking. 

I asked to speak with the principal.

I was informed there was none, only a head teacher. 

Thankfully as we walked the area, we saw a group of teachers sitting outside grading papers. 

They offered us seats, and I asked..

“What do the children need most?” 

One teacher told me the younger children had no games to play with. 

There were no books to read. No notebooks. No computers.

“The children love playing sports, but they don’t have any equipment.”

My heart had already decided I was going to do something to help. 

And of course Uncle Gershon told me he was in. 

I told a friend about my experience and she was immediately in.

And then back in New York..

co-workers who saw my instagram offered to help. 

I didn’t ask anyone. 

I was content with doing all I could. 

And then came..

The Family. 

The Family is everyone you see in the picture above. 

Like family, we do a lot of things with and for each other.

And the top of 2023..

we decided we would each deposit a portion of every check into an account and do something together at the end of the year. 

But yesterday..

one of the members of The Family informed me that the rest of the family had agreed to take the money we had been saving, and give it to help the school. 

I didn’t ask anyone..

But guess..

“that is what fam..”

the cool performance reviews

Over the last 15 years I’ve heard and read a fair share of yearly work performance reviews. 

And for the most part they all suck. 

But there is one cool thing about them. 

They are all about you. 

Nobody else. 

How did I do?

How can I get better?

What did I miss?

And every now and then, you might come across an even better review that looks at the you of today, next to the you of last year. 

Did I improve? 

Where do I still need more work? 

What’s my potential? 

Your performance review doesn’t compare you with someone else. (at least it shouldn’t) 

Look how much they did. 

Look how much they’ve grown. 

Look how good they are. 

No. 

This is your performance review. 

This is all about your performance. 

If there is any comparing..

it is you vs you. 

Old vs new. 

Better vs worse. 

Maybe the same you. 

(Hopefully not the same you.)

And I can’t help but imagine what might happen if we started more of our own reviews.

Our own giving review..

Or maybe even..

Our own generosity review. 

Not someone coming in and reviewing you on how much you gave..

Or how generous you were.

But you sitting down with you and being honest with you... 

How did I do? 

Where could I improve? 

Where did I miss the mark? 

But this review is not assessing a performance.

This is not a show.

This review is as if no one saw you. 

And like a work review, you wouldn’t compare you to the biggest philanthropist you know. 

Or anyone. 

Only you.. 

vs you. 

Old vs new. 

Better vs worse. 

Maybe the same you. 

(Hopefully not the same you.)

And in the end, you might find the review that was all about you, somehow helped so many others.

Oops, you almost missed it

Years ago Brené Brown was approached by an investor who offered to help her go further, faster. 

Sounds like a good offer. 

Brené went home and thought it over. 

Hmm..

Further.

Faster.

When she returned.. 

She declined..

Her reasoning? 

She decided she was more of a closer, slower kind of person. 

Hmm..

Hearing her story got me thinking..

Sometimes we go so fast, to get so far, that we look over what’s close to us. 

Things only seen at slower speeds.

During covid I did a lot of bike riding. 

And I noticed things in my neighborhood that had been there for years. 

But only recognized when I went slower..

“When did that get there?” 

Turns out “that”, had been there, and I missed it.

I was going further, faster. 

And you? 

What if you decided (today) that you were going to be a closer, slower kind of person?

Who might you see? 

What opportunities might reveal themselves?

“When did that get there?”

Or maybe..

‘When did they get there?” 

I’d hate for you to miss out..

on a chance to be..

the kind of person you want to be. 

Closer. 

Slower. 

Sounds a lot like generosity.

Thee reason they see

This morning I returned from a trip to Ghana. 

(I missed you too.)

I spent almost half of the last ten days without any phone service or internet connection. 

What’s email?

That’s the life for those living in small villages in the Volta Region (a few hours outside the city of Accra).

I did it for five days..

They do it for……………..

But they do have electricity. 

And that alone is a miracle. 

In fact, in this particular village, just a few years ago, there was no electricity.

Not until some members of the family I was with decided to donate poles to the village, enabling everyone to have electricity. 

A few members. 

From one family. 

Gave power to an entire village. 

Imagine..

Your people.

Your tribe.

Your village. 

providing the power that enables them to have a better day.

It was empowering to walk with them and witness their names written on poles that give power to their entire village. 

And even more empowering to walk with them and witness those same names empower hearts.

P.S. If you’re planning a trip to Ghana and/or interested in learning about African culture, I’ll be sharing plenty of stories from my experiences. You can sign up here to ensure you don’t miss any.

Tell me who’s responsible

Remember the game we used to play? 

The one where we sat on top of the stairs and gradually allowed ourselves to slide down. 

Essentially riding the edge of each step.

Remember the risk involved?

Especially in the beginning.

But the further we went down, so too did the risk. 

Somehow that game reminds me of generosity. 

Beginning a generous life might feel risky at first. 

It might feel like you’re riding on edge.

You’re sliding down, and you might fall.

But the further down the path you go, so too does that feeling of risk..

Step by step.

Day by day.

You are responsible.

Please, don’t rob me of my opportunity

This morning, while standing on the porch, I was asked by the incredible women of the home I am staying, if I had any dirty laundry. 

They were offering to wash them for me. 

But since I’ve been here, I’ve seen them wash clothes. 

Everyday. 

By hand. 

I wasn’t interested in giving them any more work to do. 

“I’ve packed plenty of clothes, no worries, but thank you.” 

Of course they insisted. 

And I had to gracefully and humbly insist back.

“Oh thank you, but I don’t want to give you any more work to do.” 

I thought I was doing the honest and right thing. 

But by their expression it felt like it saddened them.

As if I was taking an opportunity away from them. 

An opportunity to be as generous and hospitable as they’ve been since the day I met them.

Yet, as one continues to live, there are always new opportunities to be kind. 

But that doesn’t seem to be sufficient enough.

Not for this group of women. 

They rather seize this opportunity. 

And this opportunity too. 

In case the next opportunity isn’t promised. 

And although I don’t speak Twi, and they don’t speak much English..

We still speak the same language. 

Generosity. 

I hope you don’t let anyone rob you of your opportunity. 

And I hope the anyone isn't you.

You’ll finally see, only if..

This morning I shared some of my breakfast with the sweetest little girl.

Her name is Gavva and she likes sausages. 

I think sharing breakfast with her solidified our relationship.

When lunch time came around, she met me at the table, and innocently began breaking off a piece of yam that was on my plate. 

Not too long after, she had her own, and we were sitting side by side enjoying lunch together. 

Until the cat came..

Brushing herself against my leg..

Meow. 

And so I threw her a chicken bone. 

She’s thoroughly enjoying the chicken bone, but Gavva thinks the bone is too big for her, and so she gets up and drops her small pieces of chicken. 

The cat pays the chicken no mind. 

“She’s not eating it.” 

“Yea, she’s focused on the bone right now, she’ll get to it after.” 

Well that wasn’t good enough for Gavva. 

And so she got up and moved the food closer to the cat's mouth. 

Just in case she didn’t see it there the first time. 

The cat didn’t budge. 

“She’s still not eating it.”

“Don’t worry you can just leave it there, she’ll get to it.”

Nope. 

Not enough. 

Gavva got up again, but this time she picked the food up and re-dropped it in front of the cat’s face. 

Just in case she didn’t see it the second time. 

The cat continues with the bone. 

Gavva must’ve thought it had something to do with the particular pieces of chicken, and so she picked a new piece out her bowl and placed it ever so carefully next to the cat's mouth. 

But that wasn’t the problem. 

And after the third time, I finally saw it..

You don’t have to accept every gift someone offers you. 

Sometimes you have to stay focused on what’s best for you. 

In spite of good and generous intentions.

Please announce your direction

Here in Ghana are vans that drive along and announce which direction they are going and their final destination. 

If you are on the side of the road and happen to be going that way, you pay a fee and get on. 

The fee is cheaper than you would pay for a taxi, and quicker than walking. 

The idea being - collectively, we all help each other get to where we are all trying to go, and far more efficiently. 

This exists because we all exist. 

How generous. 

Seeing it happen today, I thought of our work. 

The thing we do or want to do. 

Our project or business idea. 

How generous would it be, for us to offer people, who are already going the way we are going, a cheaper, quicker, and/or more efficient way of getting there? 

🇬🇭 We all gotta eat

This morning I saw this young girl sitting on the porch feeding herself popcorn. 

Her little hands went into the bag, grabbing a few pieces, then out the bag, and into her mouth. 

I walked over and sat next to her. 

I’m not sure what happened exactly, but..

the moment I sat down, her routine changed. 

Her hands went into the bag, grabbed a popcorn, then out of the bag, but..

instead of into her mouth, she stretched her arm out and offered it to me. 

Of course I took it. 

“Thank you.”

But she didn’t stop there; she did it again and again. 

A few moments later we were joined by a few others, and she offered them popcorn too. 

And after a few rounds around the porch it was clear she was no longer interested in feeding herself.

In fact, by her smile, it was clear she was getting more of a kick out of feeding others.

P.S. After all the popcorn was done, she decided she wanted to play a game of hide and seek. A perfect opportunity for me to tell this precious little girl..

“I seeeee you”

P.P.S. See the popcorn?

🇬🇭 Generosity has to hang

Whoever said gifts need to be expensive..

miscalculated. 

They left out some really important ingredients. 

Like thought, time, and attention. 

And that feeling..

It’s been hours since I’ve arrived, and yet that sign is still hanging. 

Not because of how it was written or drawn. 

And not because of the paper or marker used. 

Rather because of the feeling it brings. 

It’s more than a welcome sign. 

It’s a sign of generosity. 

A sign of care. 

A sign of what was given.

We need more of those signs. 

Those are the signs we need to hang.. 

forever. 

So everyone can see.

Out of every pocket

Have you ever traveled with a group of 5th graders? 

What about a group of 83 5th graders? 

And what about traveling with a group of 83 5th graders for 18 hours by bus?

And then staying with them for 5 days and 4 nights..

all while exploring a major city?

Me either. 

But this weekend I met someone who has. 

We met at breakfast at the hotel we were all staying at. 

And so I asked what it's like traveling with a group of children that size. 

She told me how often they have to stop the bus for bathroom breaks.

And how long it takes to make sure every student actually uses the bathroom. 

And the preparation and indecision of feeding a group of children that size.

And then towards the end of our conversation she took a big sigh and said..

“Patience”

“You need a lot of patience, pull it out of every pocket.” 

But when she said patience..

I heard.. 

Generosity. 

You need a lot of generosity, pull it out of every pocket.

Imagine how far that’ll travel.

P.S. That’s my 5th grade class, can you find me?

Not hiding from generosity anymore

Hiding dates back to the beginning of time.

“I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Doesn’t this remind you of our work?

“I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” 

Hid from the work.

Adam hid. 

I hide. 

Afraid of being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt, or used.

We hide from our work..

from ourselves..

from each other. 

and yet..

A part of doing our work is letting others know what we’re really like. 

Scary. 

Truth. 

What if they don’t like it? 

And so we fear.

And then we hide.

Both keep us distant from our work..

from others..

from our true selves.

Our emotions are embedded in our work. 

How could we let someone in?

What if every time we felt that fear..

we got more focused?

And.. 

even more focused on how generous doing our work truly is. 

Our work is a gift..

we give to ourselves

and

we give to others.

So why are you hiding?

You are not being watched

In a world filled with cameras there still remains this one thing.

This one thing the camera doesn’t focus on. 

This one thing the camera doesn’t see. 

No one is watching. 

No one is looking over your shoulder. 

No one is monitoring you. 

You are free. 

You have choice. 

Your own decision. 

The only direction is..

It’s totally up to you. 

Freedom.

Free will. 

Independence. 

This is done on your own. 

These are your actions. 

You are a responsible adult. 

Let’s call it..

Unsupervised giving. 

Or maybe..

Unsupervised generosity. 

And since you know you are not being watched..

What will you do? 

What will you look for in return?

Because remember..

No one is watching.

Will it be today?

Remember when we were kids? 

We’d say things like..

“When I get big..” 

And then we’d rattle off some goal we would accomplish once we got big? 

We said big as in stature, but mostly meant big as in older. 

Ironically enough I still come across adults who play the when/bigger game. 

“When I make it, then I’ll..”

“When I become a millionaire, then I’ll..”

“Once I pay off all my student loans, then I’ll..”

Years back I learned “The Two Minute Rule” from time management and productivity expert David Allen. 

Anything that crosses your plate that you can get done in two minutes or less, you do it in that moment. 

Eventually I developed my own “Never Forget Method”, essentially the best way I never forget to do some kind of work is when I do it the moment I agree. 

(Not always possible, but you’d be surprised how often it is.) 

We don’t have to wait to give. 

We can probably do it in two minutes or less. 

What if we gave at the exact moment we agreed we would? 

“When I get big” is not about stature. 

Neither is giving about an amount. 

So when will our hearts get bigger?

Today.

We don’t need more

We need better. 

We don’t need more givers. 

We have billions. (and yet..)

We need better givers. 

Some charities and organizations are all about more, more, more. 

People too.

More money, more recognition, more fame. 

While some charities and organizations are all about better, better, better. 

People too.

Better effectiveness, better change, better impact. 

The more the better. (or merrier)

The better the more. (or merrier)

You can decide..

which is just more and which is simply better.

Think before you give

Speaking of great places to be..

In 2017 I had a chance to visit Eleven Madison Park. 

At the time, it was ranked the #1 restaurant in the world. 

Will Guidara (former co-owner) tells this amazing story that reminds me what Giving is Like..

(Or maybe what it ought to be like..)

One day while bussing a table he overheard the guest listing how many incredible restaurants they visited during their stay in New York. 

“We’ve been everywhere! The only thing we didn’t eat was a street hot dog.” 

Will dropped the dishes off in the kitchen and ran outside to get a hot dog. 

He brought the hot dog back to the kitchen and asked the Chef to plate it. 

Will returns to the guest table and says.. 

“We’re thrilled you chose us for your last meal in New York, but we didn’t want you to go home with any culinary regrets.” 

When the guest saw the beautifully plated hot dog, they freaked out. 

Will reports that in his entire career no guest has ever responded the way that table did after receiving their hotdog.

And as they left, each guest told Will it was not only the highlight of their meal, but the highlight of their entire stay in New York. 

Sure, we could give someone anything. 

Afterall, we’ve been taught “it’s the thought that counts”, without ever being taught to actually think about what will make our giving count. 

A $300 per person dining experience at the world's best restaurant is great. 

Yet, it was the hot dog that did the trick. 

A few bucks + A few thoughts = true generosity. 

Which means it doesn't have to cost a lot..

But it will cost.. 

You..

forget about you.

Think about them. 

That’s what Giving is Like..

You are on the hook

“Askida Ekmek: there is bread on the hook. 

It’s an ancient tradition in Turkey. 

When buying a loaf at the local bakery, you choose to pay for an extra loaf and, after bagging your purchase the owner will hang the second loaf on a hook on the wall. 

If a person in need comes by, he or she can ask if there’s anything on the hook. If so, the bread is shared, and hunger is relieved. Perhaps as important, community is built.”

And now that you’ve read that story..

it’s your turn. 

You are on the hook.

What a great place to be.

Be anonymous as possible

I was on the phone (discussing this post) with an anonymous friend and day one supporter of The Daily Tithe when I was reminded of the eight degrees of giving in Judaism.

The eighth degree and highest level: 

Giving in a way that makes the receiver self-sufficient.

Which reminds me of a conversation I was having with an anonymous friend this morning. We were discussing how many athletes regret simply giving their family and friends money vs investing in them.

Here’s a loan. 

Hey, let's go into business together. 

Hey, let me help you get a job.

The seventh degree:

Giving anonymously. 

Interestingly enough, before learning the eight degrees of giving in Judaism my definition of giving anonymously was slightly different. 

I always saw it as known to unknown. 

I know I gave that to someone, but they have no clue it was me. 

However in Judaism there is unknown to unknown. 

I know I gave to someone, but I don’t know who, and they don’t know who it came from. 

You see a family at the restaurant. You approach a staff member  and let them know you’d like to pay for that family’s meal while remaining anonymous. 

That used to be the only way I knew. 

But let's say..

You can walk into a restaurant, hand a staff member X amount of dollars to pay for any family’s meal, ask to remain anonymous, and walk out. 

You have now wiped out two “owe yous”.

“I owe you” and “They owe me”

Leading to better giving.

You have also wiped out any chance of ulterior motive giving and/or giving to be seen. 

Be anonymous as possible.

Who are you insulting?

Two nights ago I went to the movie theater with 8 of my friends. 

We saw John Wick.  

I almost never watch movies, (this was the first John Wick I’ve seen), but these are my friends, we’re out of town, and so exceptions are made. 

The movie is 3 hours long and within that timeframe I caught two lines that made my time worth it. 

(besides making more memories with my brothers) 

1. Don’t insult my gift to you.

2. We do so good at getting. 

Both lines were take out my phone and make a note worthy. 

Don’t insult my gift to you.

The ones we don’t use. 

The ones that don’t look like they’re “supposed” to.

The ones we think we’re unworthy of. 

The opportunities we shoot pass. 

The moments we take for granted. 

Don’t insult my gift to you.

We do so good at getting.

But what about using what we get?

Like the gifts. 

And do we do so good at giving?

To the right things?

With the right heart?

We do so good at getting. 

Don’t insult my gift to you.

..and yet generosity remains.. (Pt. 3)

You’ve probably witnessed the generosity riddled throughout this story. 

But there’s more.

Always. 

When one door closes another opens. 

A new beginning. 

New opportunity. 

With generosity we extend stories. 

We change outcomes. 

Not that it never happened. 

But there’s more. 

It’s not how it’ll end. 

A friend donates clothes from his clothing line. 

A co-worker offers his truck to move furniture. 

Massive amounts of baby formula is donated.

Gofundmes surpass their goal. 

And a new story is written..

yet generosity remains.

It’s what makes the end..

The beginning.