Don’t Skip Leg Day

This morning while walking on the treadmill I looked down and smiled at my legs. 

We’ve all seen it. 

The physical fit person whose upper body is much larger than their legs. 

In fitness circles this is known as skipping leg day. 

“Don’t skip leg day”- they say. 

As I continued to walk I begin to think about the importance of our legs. They are what keep us up. They are our foundation and our base.  

“Use your legs” 

They say..

whenever you are lifting something heavy.

Use your foundation. Use your base. 

This makes me wonder about those who have neglected their legs.

How much lifting can they actually do? 

When I was a kid my mother gave me a certain kind of foundation. A certain kind of base.

One that would keep me up. One that would push me through. 

That foundation is generosity. 

I wonder if she knew..

how much it would lift me.

Everyday that I work my generosity muscles, I am simultaneously working on my foundation. The thing my mother gave me. My base, what lifts me up, and pushes me through. 

“Don’t skip leg day”.

I can hear mom now.

There is Power in No Name

A first time mother is sitting at her baby shower, surround by loved ones and gifts, when she notices that none of the gifts have any names on them. 

She doesn’t know who has given.

She only knows she has received. 

No one person gets any credit.

The credit belongs to all. 

I can imagine you living that way. 

Not focused on credit, rather placing all your energy in the gifts you have chosen to give, and the person(s) you have chosen to give them to.

What do you owe generosity?

I received my conEdison bill in the mail today. 

On the cover it reads..

“Your Energy Bill” 

And in some electrifying way it made me think of generosity. 

Imagine if every month you received..

“Your Generosity Bill” 

A bill for all the generosity you received..

That you’ve yet to pay for(ward).

You know that time generosity gave you a friend in your darkest hour. Or when generosity gifted you a present you’ve always wanted. And what about that night you were gifted a free babysitter for the evening?

What do you owe generosity? 

But then again..

that could never be.. 

or it wouldn’t be generosity.

Who do you want to be around?

Famed teacher Richard Rohr says that when he was first becoming known, people wanted to be his friend.

He asked himself how he would choose among all these friends. 

And then realized..

The people he really found joy were not people who loved him so much; rather, the people who loved what he loved. 

P.S. Doesn’t it feel different when you spend time with generous people? 

Generosity is on offer

Last season the Boston Celtics were down 3-0 in their series against the Miami Heat. 

But according to their head coach Joe Mazzulla and their top player Jayson Tatum, it was that series, (a series they lost), that helped them win the NBA championship a few nights ago. 

“Being down 3-0 was the biggest blessing.” 

But how could losing be so generous? 

To give a loss and lessons.

To give pain and promise. 

All of which led to a NBA title. 

So first you receive something you didn’t expect?

And then the unexpected thing gives you more than you expected?

A loss and some wins.

But how could losing be so generous? 

You wanted to work on your dance moves?

Generosity is a dance. 

The dance is not in deciding when to be generous to others and when to be generous to yourself. 

The dance is knowing they both step together. 

When you are generous to others you are being generous to yourself.

And when you are being generous to yourself, you are being generous to others. 

When we are not dancing with generosity we are trying to do one or the other. 

And when we are dancing with generosity we are doing one and the other. 

Be careful not to go too far in one direction.

So how do you know if you’re dancing?

How do you ensure you are not going too far in one direction? 

Ask yourself..

Is it just for me?

or

Are others included? 

Is it just for others?

or

Am I included?

Part II

Part II of the dance says this…

I’m dancing, but I stumbled. 

I misstepped. 

I made a donation to an organization and later found out our values don’t align. 

I thought I was being generous to someone and it turned out I did more harm than good. 

This happens to the best of dancers. 

But dancers keep dancing. They know they’re only dancing if they continue. 

Once they stop. The dance stops, and so does their generosity. 

The great Miles Davis said it like this..

“When you hit a wrong note, it’s the next note that makes it good or bad.” 

Keep dancing. (progression and not perfection)

The secret to our generosity.

You are not generous because someone told you to be generous. 

You are generous because you experienced generosity. 

You felt. 

You understood. 

You know.

Who wouldn’t want to do the same for someone else? 

Embody. 

Model. 

Show. 

Not too good to be you.

Once upon a time there was a wealthy man. Recently divorced, he was having a hard time taking care of his two daughters, maintaining their home, and working a high profile job. 

And so one day he put out an ad for a house manager.

Shortly after, having seen the ad, a young woman knocked on his door to express her interest. 

The wealthy man invited her in. But as they begin to discuss the details of the job they both discovered there was a mismatch. 

The wealthy man was looking for a live-in house manager, and the young woman was looking for job she could work during the day and return home to her two daughters at night.

As the conversation ensued, the young woman revealed that her husband had recently passed and she was the only one taking care of her children. She expressed how difficult it had become. So much so, that her children were currently out of school because of her inability to afford the school fees. 

And so the wealthy man thought…

“How about you and your daughters move here. There is more than enough space for us all. I will pay you a salary and you won’t have to worry about paying rent.”

The young woman was taken back by this. A bit overwhelmed, she asked for some time to consider. 

After a few days living together, the wealthy man could not stomach the fact that there were two children living in his house that were not in school. 

And so he thought..

“I could do something about this.”

He pulled the young woman aside and asked for the name of the school her children were attending and the cost of the school fees. 

But upon hearing the name of the school, he changed his mind. 

“My children attend a much better school, I will arrange for your children to go there and cover all of the fees.”

Again, the mother was overwhelmed with gratitude, yet insisted that this kind gesture was not necessary. 

She felt indebted enough having received a place to stay, food provisions, and a nice salary. 

Her eldest daughter agreed..

“Why is this man being so nice to us? What is the catch?”

As I sat and watched this story unravel, I wondered..

Is it possible to be so generous. 

So generous without a catch. 

So generous that the receiver of your generosity would not fully believe. 

So generous they become overwhelmed. 

So generous that when they tell others they won’t believe it either. 

Too good to be true, but yet it is..

not too good to be you. 

Pt.2 (btw the thing you do)

We left one thing out. 

We have:

1. Recovery days.

2. Recovery moments. 

3.

But we didn’t discuss injuries. 

How long does it take you to recover from an injury? 

My guess..

it depends on the extent of the injury and what steps you take on your road to recovery. 

Some people get injured and do nothing. 

They expect the injury to take care of itself. 

Only to realize later, it doesn’t quite work like that. 

And some people get injured and come back too soon. 

They are of no use to anyone, and often cause more harm to themselves. 

But what happens when the injury occurs in the context of generosity and your feelings?

What do you do? 

Do you ignore it, and let it fester up at a later date? 

Someone just offended you. 

Someone took your kindness for weakness.

Someone took advantage. 

You gave and gave and gave and no-one appreciated you. 

They still wanted more.

You are upset. You are hurt. You are disappointed.

Injured..

You say…

“I’m never do anything for anyone else ever again!”

“Well that’s the last thing I’ll ever do for..!”

“No more freebies!” 

Or..

Do you look within to see what part of you is injured? 

Is this an old injury you never addressed? 

Is this the injury you never fully healed from? Did you come back too soon?  

This can’t be your highest self.

Is it?…

Your most generous self?

What if..

You asked yourself, “Now that I’m injured, what is the best thing for me to do?”

What might be possible? 

Could you learn from your mistakes and still be generous when given the next opportunity? 

Could you learn what it means to be generous to others and still have boundaries?

Or..

that having boundaries is indeed generous, allows you to be more generous, and helps protect you from injuring you?

Maybe the question is much simple..

What can you do to stay in the game? 

btw the thing you do

Speak to any wise trainer or athlete and they will tell you the importance of recovery. 

It’s the thing you do between the thing you do. 

The stopping. The resting, the stretching, the ice, the heat, the cold water plunge, the massages, the sleep, they are all apart of recovery. 

Some people call them recovery days. 

But we also have recovery moments..

not a full day, just a moment..

to catch our breath. 

to gather ourselves. 

to remember our goals, dreams, and purpose. 

“I just need a moment”..

to try and make sense of what is happening. 

“Wow, that’s a lot. I just need a moment”..

of recovery. 

As a generous person, it can be easy to forget that you too need to recover. You can give and give, and pour and pour - into everyone but yourself. 

But it’s the thing you do in between the thing you do that helps you do the thing you do. 

The stopping. The resting, the stretching, the ice, the heat, the cold water plunge, the massages, the sleep. 

That’s generosity too. 

Do you need a moment?

..

Or do you need a day? 

Your generosity depends on it. 

Onika Forever.

One of my dear friends and co-workers passed away this weekend, and it feels fitting to dedicate today’s Daily Tithe to her. 

Onika was an early supporter of my writing, and an early subscriber to The Daily Tithe. She would see me at work and say “Why didn’t I get your email today?”. 

And as uncomfortable as it is for me to hear about myself, her words of encouragement and praise often made me feel..

Like wow, maybe I am a good writer. Maybe I should continue. 

Yet, one of many beauties of Onika is that she was much more than a good friend. 

Our General Manager nicknamed her Kobe, because she was a beast of a saleswoman. 

No matter how many pairs of glasses you came to buy, if you spoke to Onika, you were going to buy more.

The irony that the woman who helped people see, had so much vision.  

She had the eye. She could style, design, and decorate. 

When I was laying new carpet at my house, Onika was the first person I texted. I had no clue what I was doing, but I knew she did. 

The DIY Project Queen.

She knew how to make things better. 

She would look at a space, (indoors or outdoors) that was seemingly perfectly fine, and add her touch to it. 

And of course I had to bother her about it..

“Hey, so what are you doing today? Redesigning your entire house?” 

That’s the Onika I’ll remember. 

The Onika who talked so much about her children whom she loved so much. The Onika who had all her friends and co-workers buying her mother’s (amazing) rum punch. The Onika who I was fortunate to spend work breaks with as we walked around the building. 

And I’ll remember the last time we got to hang together, in spite of everything she had gone through, and was still going through, she braved it out and came to hang with us - in all your glitz, glamour, and glory, like only she could.

Onika Forever. 

You knew that already

“Ok, so you’ve missed your flight.” 

“Huh?, how? It doesn’t leave for another twenty five minutes.”

“Yes, but check-in is one hour before departure.”

“Doesn’t that only apply if I’m checking a bag?”

“We can try, but the gate closes 15 minutes before departure, you have 10 minutes.” 

I get my ticket and speed off to the security line. 

“Which line is quicker, Clear or Precheck?” 

“They’re both down to the right, so you can see for yourself and decide.” 

I’m hustling down. 

There are about fifteen people ahead of me, more than enough for me to miss my flight. 

I’m going to have to ask..

But I can’t ask each passenger individually, there isn’t enough time. 

How do I respect everyone, and still move down the line quick enough?

I’m going to have to use my voice..

“Excuse me, my flight leaves in 10 minutes, do you mind if I skip ahead?” 

“Sure, sure, go right ahead.” 

“Excuse me, my flight leaves in 10 minutes, do you mind if I skip ahead?” 

“I don’t mind at all, good luck”

Hustling down the line, making eye contact, asking individuals, while saying it loud enough for nearby passengers to hear. 

Whew!

I’ve made it to the TSA Agent.

“Excuse me, my flight leaves in 10 minutes, do you mind if I skip ahead?” 

“You’ll have to ask a manager”

As he peaks his head up looking to see if he can find one. 

Uuuughhhh…

Thinking to myself…

There’s no way I’ll make it if he calls a manager, we wait for a manager, and then I explain my story again. 

In a split second my mind drifts to how sad the lack of empowerment is within certain organizations. 

The inability to make decisions. 

I’ve asked every passenger ahead of me and no one has opposed.

Please man..

He must’ve heard my mind, or maybe he read The Daily Tithe. 

He reached out his hand and checked me in. 

Whew!

One more obstacle before I’m free to run to my gate. 

I’m at the scanners. 

There is another group of people ahead of me.

“Excuse me, my flight leaves in 10 minutes, do you mind if I skip ahead?” 

Everyone steps back and invites me ahead. 

One woman even calls her husband back..

“let this gentleman go first..”

I’m clear. 

Four minutes left. 

I’m hustling. 

It’s hot.

I’m sweating. 

I’m anxious. 

And then..

As I sit in my seat..

I think..

It’s true…

You reap what you sow.

From mom: To You

A few days ago, after watching a video from the great Seth Godin, I landed..

on some thoughts.. 

Surfers need surf, surf is what makes the surfer.

The current. The waves. 

Surfers are pushed by a certain flow of water. (The right waves make a difference)

As I thought..

I remembered..

one of my mother’s biggest lessons

“Be careful of your surroundings.” 

Mom was saying: The direction you go in life, has a lot to do with who and what you’re around. 

In Seth’s video he used an analogy of taking something you’re working on and placing it where the waves are. Find where the current is already flowing for the thing you want to do, in the direction you want to go.

You are a surfer, where is the surf? Where are the systems in place for you to succeed?

The more I thought about these messages the more I thought about generosity. 

Do you have a system in place that will lead you to be a more generous person?

Where are the most generous people you know? Who and what are they surrounding themselves with? 

Can you join the wave?

“Be careful of your surroundings.”

That is what makes you.

Two Sides Of Every Coin

I always find it interesting when I come across a social media post of someone stating they are entering their “selfish era.” 

They’re going to be more focused on their goals. 

They’re going to say no to more things.

They’re going to spend more time taking care of themselves.

Hmm, sounds like their most generous era. 

btwn u&u

Imagine who you want to be..

is a mountain.

A distant mountain. 

But imagine if everyday you could walk closer to yourself. 

And on the days when things didn’t feel right, and you didn’t know what to do..

You stopped. 

And thought about what would take you closer to you.

If you want to be your most generous self. 

Today, it may be a distant mountain. 

But everyday you can walk closer to you.  

Should you be kind? Should you say no? 

Should you give? Should you rest? 

I don’t know, will it get you closer to your mountain?

Beyond Bars & Behind Belief

Willie Pearl & Wyatt Tee Walker

On April 15, 1963, a lawyer by the name of Clarence Jones traveled to a Birmingham Jail to visit Martin Luther King. 

King, handing Jones scraps of paper, told him about a letter he had been writing. Jones snuck the paper scraps out of the jail and handed them to Wyatt Tee Walker, who gave them to his secretary, Willie Pearl Mackey King.

“The writing on the greasy sandwich wrappers was hard to make out.” 

By any means necessary Martin wrote- on the paper his sandwiches came in, margins of newspapers, napkins, and toilet paper.

To make it worse, the scraps were not always in order. 

“It was like a jigsaw puzzle. It was the worst thing I ever had to work on in my life.” 

At worst the work was difficult. 

At best it changed history forever. 

How could your most difficult work can become your most precious gift..

for the world?

P.S. The Letter that began on toilet paper. 

Our truth Our progress

Two men were walking to their church, when they noticed a man unable to walk being carried to the entryway.

They recognized him as the same man from the day before, and everyday prior. Everyday this man is carried to the gate of the church to beg of anyone entering. 

Sure enough, as the beggar saw the two men approaching, he asked them for money. One of the men looked straight at the beggar and said..

“Look at us!” 

“Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have, I give you.” 

There is a lie that exist in society that says..

“If I don’t have any money, I do not have anything to give.” 

Yet there is a truth that says..

“Everyone, (including you), has something to give, and if you are willing to offer it, it might change someone’s life forever.” 

The lack of silver or gold is not as important as..

“But what I do have, I give you.” 

You are stopped, not because of what you don’t have, you are stopped for not giving what you do. 

What are you clinging to?

One day, when I was a little boy, I was standing in my parent’s bedroom. My mother, sitting on the edge of her bed..

“Man, I want to talk to you about something.”

I stood between her legs while looking up to her, as she looked down. 

“Man, your father and I were talking..”

“You’re getting older now and it’s time we stop kissing on the lips.”

I’m not sure I knew what a heart was, but I was instantly heartbroken. 

Sadness overwhelmed me. 

Why?! Why!? Why?! Please!? Please?! Please!? 

One last time?

I begged as if mom had never kissed me, as if I she’d never kiss me again. 

I whined. I moaned. I complained.

I was angry and pouting. 

Man, you’re getting older now, and it’s time I stop loving you. 

That’s what I heard. That’s what I felt. 

I thought it was the stupidest idea ever. 

Why was dad hating? 

When I noticed my words were not changing anything, I reached up for a kiss. 

My mother tried to offer some solace by introducing me to kisses on the cheek, but that wasn’t good enough for me. 

I leaped on my tippy toes, wrapped my little arms around her neck, pulled her down and stretched up for a kiss. 

And then I thought maybe I could trick her. 

“Ok mom, fine, a kiss on the cheek.” 

My feet on top of her feet as I went in to kiss her on the cheek, but just before landing, I grabbed her face, one hand on each of her cheeks trying to move her face forward ~ my kinda kiss. 

I was clingy. I was a momma’s boy. Everyone knew it. 

Including my father. 

But I wasn’t the first, nor will I be the last. 

By nature, younger children are often clingy. 

Which now makes me wonder, what exactly are they clinging to? 

Or maybe, what do they believe they are clinging to?

A few years later my mother gave me my first lesson on giving and generosity, a lesson I still cling to today. 

And now..

As I cling to generosity, generosity clings to me. 

As I cling to love, love clings to me. 

And as I cling to kindness, hope, and faith, ~ kindness, hope, and faith cling to me.

I guess I was right all along. 

It was more than a kiss. 

Who you are vs Who you could be

You got punished for things you didn’t do. 

You didn’t get the grades you could’ve got.

You didn’t get into the schools you could’ve gotten into. 

You didn’t make the money you could’ve made. 

You wasn’t as healthy as you could’ve been. 

If I had to compile a list of my mother’s lessons..

“Be careful who you spend your time with.” 

Would rank at the top.

Who you’re around really really really matters. 

Even at the the worlds most responsible company..

Patagonia noticed a change in cohesion when they moved different departments to different floors and buildings. When the CEO sat next to the environmental team, the CEO became more environmentally educated and committed. And when the environmental team sat next to marketing, their storytelling improved. 

Everyday you get to decide, who will you sit next to?

Consider this as you do your life’s work.  

P.S. Where do all the generous people sit?

Key to keeping the magic (anytime, anyplace)

No one is engaged. The group is too big. 

We don’t work together. We have no bond. 

There is too much bureaucracy. 

How much is too much? 

Juries have 12, so do tribal hunting parties, and army squads. 

Anthropologist Robin Dunbar believes 150 to be the magic number for community cohesion. 

The human brain can’t handle anymore relationships. 

Some companies only put in 150 parking spaces whenever they build a new plant. When the plant exceeds that capacity, they build a new one. 

Both Microsoft and Intel limit their buildings to 150 employees. 

And some communal religious groups create a new community once they reach the magic number. 

Yet for some, for example a military company, the magic number can be anywhere between 80-225. 

Different things. 

Different people. 

Different magic numbers. 

I guess what’s most important is knowing yours. 

What is your too much? 

When does the engagement stop?

What’s your magic number? 

Everyone has one.