The most opportune time

Here’s a tactic your doctor may have used on you. 

Whenever dealing with stubborn patients, Milton Erickson, a renowned psychotherapist would do the opposite of what most people do. 

Dr. Erickson would wait for a moment filled with loud outside noise and then lower his voice while sharing crucial information. 

Thankfully there was a way patients could still hear what Erickson was saying. 

By leaning forward.

Leaning forward into the information is a signal of focused attention and intense interest. 

So when the good doctor wanted his patients to see what he was sharing as important, he made them lean forward. 

This points to evidence that we put more value on anything we choose to move toward. 

Somehow things (and people) become more worthy the closer we are to them.

Like right now..

What if you leaned into the question you are about to read. 

I won’t yell. 

I will merely whisper. 

At the exact time of all the outside noise. 

What life changes can you make in order to shorten the distance between you and those most in need? 

The Geography of Generosity

This could be the best of times for you or the worst of times for you. 

You’re at church and the MC has just announced..

“Offering time” 

Do you give?

Give grudgingly? 

Give with joy?

Do you put your hand far in the basket so no one can hear your coins fall? 

Are you ashamed? 

It all depends. 

Studies show that young women do better in science, math, and leadership, if they are in rooms with photos of women who are known to be successful in those areas.

And when I was a child growing up in church, I vividly remember the roaring celebration whenever our MC, Sister Edmead announced..

“Offering time”

A time to celebrate what we get to do vs what we have to do. 

I remember my grandmother suggesting that we walk up and bring our gifts instead of the basket being brought to us. 

There is something about going to give, (almost like seeking it out), vs someone coming to you to give, (almost like chasing you down). 

Decades later, I still see those images. 

So if you’re looking for the best of times for you and/or your children, be mindful of geography.

The first step to generosity

It’s 5pm. 

I’m walking in. 

My favorite restaurant just opened. 

I stop at the bar.

The tip jar is already full. 

A couple of 1’s and a 5. 

Clever. 

By seeding the tip jar, baristas and bartenders send a signal to guests. 

“Other people are tipping, you should too.” 

or

“People who eat here, (people just like you), tip.”  

Social Proof. 

God forbid the jar is empty. 

Guests would believe no one is tipping, so why should they? 

And even worse, you’d be asking them to go first. 

Scary. 

And it’s the exact same with giving.

Always routed toward generosity

“I can’t miss this work meeting.”

But the internet is sketchy.

I’m in Ghana. 

The same place I was when I missed the last work meeting. 

My director was extremely gracious then..

But this time?

I don’t know. 

I reach out to a family friend to see if he could help me purchase a router. 

He’s trying his best, but they’re almost impossible to get. 

Finally he locates some..

But the asking price is so far beyond what it normally costs, that he’s uncomfortable even mentioning it to me. 

But the days are passing..

I’m willing to pay..  

But instead, he offers to let me borrow his, at no charge. 

I’m relieved, humbled, and thankful. 

It’s now the day before the meeting. 

To be safe I do a test run. 

Nothing but dropped calls.

Back to square one. 

At least until later that evening..

I find out from family that the house they’re staying at next door has better connection. 

And so I ask to make my calls there.

They ask the two gentlemen in charge of the home.. 

And they both looked befuddled..

“Of course you can use the home. Just come, and if you need to stay overnight, you are welcome.” 

I'm relieved. 

Humbled. 

And thankful.

With zero work calls missed.

Everyone eats for free

Giving works wonders in business too.

A few days ago my cousin ordered a medium Frosty from Wendy’s. 

Instead, he received a large cup halfway filled.

Wendy’s ran out of cups.

Reading the story on his facebook page, I shook my head in shame.

Wendy’s missed opportunity. 

“Hey, let’s not give our valued customers a large for the price of a medium.”

“Let’s extract every possible cent from our customer instead.”

Great idea!

A few years ago SweetGreen decided they would no longer accept cash. 

And then one busy afternoon their credit card system went down. 

Their employees were staring at a line full of hungry customers with no way to accept their payments.

SweetGreen took advantage of the opportunity. 

Since they couldn’t accept payments, everyone's lunch was on the house. 

Which restaurant would you rather eat at?

If you are not receiving, you are not giving (continued)

“I heard my mother asking our neighbor for some salt. I asked her why she was asking them as we have salt at home. 

She replied: It’s because they are always asking us for things; they're poor. So, I thought I’d ask something small from them so as not to burden them, but at the same time make them feel as if we need them too. That way it’ll be easier for them to ask us for anything they need from us.” - Ali al - Jifri

If you are not receiving you are not giving.

Always be giving. Always be receiving.

If you aren’t receiving, you aren’t giving

And suddenly I realized, even when I smiled..

My “no thank you” felt like heartbreak. 

Enter any home in Ghana and you will be offered water. 

Enter any home in Ghana and you will be offered an entire meal.

(A little less of a guarantee, but extremely common.)

During my first few trips I noticed my “no thank you” were seemingly hurtful. 

I also wondered if they were coming off as rude. 

(Not my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings, or disrespect anyone’s culture.

But I just ate and I just had water.) 

Finally I realized. 

I wasn’t just saying no to water. 

And it wasn't just a meal I was turning down.

Ghanaians want nothing more than for you to feel welcomed. 

They want everything to be nice. 

They want you to feel at home. 

Even when they don’t have much. 

They want to give you something. 

They want to show you how much you are welcomed. 

And so I decided to be careful about my “nos”. 

I realized my “yeses” were life.

Life to relationship.

I took note of two ways to build relationship..

And before long I had learned to receive. 

And now I am full..

of the need to give..

a way..

to relationship. 

P.S. Would this help your relationships?

P.P.S. Always be giving. Always be receiving.

I give to you

Laying at the entryway of the church is a man who has never walked. 

Everyday he is carried here.

To beg. 

Seeing two gentlemen heading toward  him, he asks for money. 

One man answers:

“I have no silver and gold, but what I do have, I give to you.” 

And every time you don’t allow what you don’t have, to stop you from giving what you do..

A miracle happens.

You need some direction

What is The Daily Tithe?

My latest trip to Ghana helped me explain..

Remember the Tro tro?

That’s the Daily Tithe. 

A bus. 

And everyday we ride around looking for people who are going the same direction. 

We do it together, in community, making it easier for all of us to get to where we are going. 

A self regulated bus.

You.

can get on at any point. 

You.

don’t have to wait until you’ve reached a certain income.

You.

don’t have to wait for your friends. (invite them instead) 

You.

don’t have to wait for a certain capacity.

You.

can decide today..

This bus is going where I’m going. 

I’m getting on..

To a place where we all are better..

givers. 

To ourselves. 

And..

For others. 

Are you going in this direction?

Please stop at your boundary

“I felt so bad buying this, knowing it cost a year's salary for the people I’m here to help.” 

Those were the words of an American missionary working in Ghana, as he pulled on the gold bracelet on his wrist.  

It reminded me of a story I read in Peter Singer’s “The Most Good You Can Do”. 

Julia has given large amounts of money to effective charities. 

When she married, her and her husband agreed to living modest lives in order to give. 

In a five year span Julia and her husband gave away a third of their income, until finally deciding (as their income increased) to give away half.

When Julia was a child she noticed while she lacked for nothing she needed, there were others who did.

And since then, she has always seen every dollar she spends as a dollar taken out of the hands of someone who needs it more than she does. 

For Julia, the question has always been, not how much should she give, rather how much should she keep. 

Julia felt her decisions to donate or not, was the difference between someone else living or dying.

And being so convinced, she decided it would be immoral for her to have children.

She told her father of her decision..

“It doesn’t sound like this lifestyle is going to make you happy.” 

“My happiness is not the point.” 

Later Julia realized her father was right. Her decision not to have a child was making her miserable. 

And so Julia and her husband agreed they could raise a child and still give plenty. 

She now had something she could look forward to, and it raised her excitement about the future.

And with the new satisfaction with her life, she was more useful to the world than if she was miserable. 

Some people go too far. 

Some don’t go at all.

A new diary entry

“God please help my dad find a job so he can pay for my school fees so I can get my uniform and go to school.”

That was the diary entry of a young child in Ghana.

I don’t recall writing too many diary entries as a child, but I can assure you, my diary never said that. 

But that was this child’s prayer. 

His one desire. 

The moment I heard the story I knew I had to help. 

And then I thought..

God loves this child so much that he sent me to Ghana at this exact time, to hear this exact story. 

It was as if I paid $2,000, flew 5,000 miles (over 9 hours) to hear about this one child who needs $15 in order to go to school.

And if it was the only thing I did, I would be satisfied. 

How cool is it that I get the privilege of being a part of this child's life. 

How cool it is that I get to be a silent partner in his education? 

The power of a dairy..

or maybe..

The power of prayer..

or maybe..

The power of a gift..

that leads a child..

back to school. 

Well, here’s a new diary entry..

You are someone’s answered prayer.

How far is too far?

It started off as great conversation, and then it went long. 

On and on about things already discussed. 

He promised one last point, and then I would be free.

A few broken promises later..

During covid there were limits placed on essentials. 

The limits were set in place for the benefit of all. 

Unfortunately, not all understood. 

Selfishness wouldn’t let them. 

And so they whined, complained, and embarrassed themselves, all for the sake of greed. 

They missed the point. 

The limit was for them. 

The very reason anything was left to buy. 

And when you give and give and give and give..

With no limit. 

You are missing the point. 

You working against you. 

Instead of for you.

You have a limit.

The limit is for you. 

No need for too long conversation.

Have you seen everyone?

I opened my mail this morning and found four of the exact same real estate advertisements. 

Printed on the back were six homes all within a 3 mile radius..

SOLD. 

Why on earth is this real estate company showing me nearby homes that have already been sold?

If I cared enough, I might go online and search how much they were sold for. 

And depending on the amount, I might get excited and think I can sell my house for the same amount too. 

These agents want me to know homes in my neighborhood are selling. 

And not only are the homes around me selling, but they’re being sold by homeowners who look like me, own a home like me, and share other “just like me” similarities.

If everyone around you is doing it, why aren't you?

If you visit my job and look up on the front wall, front and center, you will find a nice plaque featuring the names of all the employees of the month for the past year. 

It's a message from the company..

If everyone around you is doing it, why aren’t you? 

And just yesterday a family friend was given a personalized Ipad by her principal for three years of perfect attendance.

I wonder how long before more teachers adopt that mindset. 

If they do, the question will begin to bubble..

If everyone around you is doing it, why aren’t you? 

And just like my friend there are probably people around you who are doing incredible things. 

Showing up everyday for the people they serve. Serving their communities. Giving to great causes. 

And so the only question is..

And if no one around you is doing it, here are two choices. 

Sell your house and move. 

Or

Lead. 

Be the first person around you to do it. 

After all, isn’t that what we do around here?

Spain has us beautifully beat

The United States does not lead the world in organ donations.

That crown belongs to Spain. 

Spain has what is called presumed consent, which means, when someone dies, it is presumed they’re an organ donor. 

However..

Spain also has a law that says, before anyone’s organs are donated, families should always be consulted. 

So in essence, when you die, your family can opt you in (or out) as an organ donor.  

So how does Spain lead the entire world in organ donations? 

Clearly it’s not the law. 

Rather it’s what the law signals. 

“Here in Spain, we donate our organs.” 

Or as Seth would say..

“People like us, do things like this.”

And so when families are asked whether they’ll be donating their family member’s organs or not..

“Of course we are.”

Because everyday you are sending signals..

Signals as to what type of person you are, what kind of beliefs you uphold, and what type of community you’re a part of.

I just hope the signals you’re sending are the ones you intend to.

Record these three tips

The waitress at the restaurant last night couldn’t legally drink any of the drinks from the menu. 

And it didn’t matter, she knew how to serve. 

Thinking it would be better if the money went directly in her pocket, we gave her a generous cash tip. 

“OMG, thank you so much, this will help pay for college.” 

1. Never overestimate the importance of age.

2. Never underestimate the power of great service. 

3. Never underestimate the gift of great tips.

Selah.

your most important opportunity

The sound of the thunderous rain is holding me back.

There’s no need to look out the window, the lightning is shining through. 

One hesitant peep out the window and all I see are gray clouds. 

No way I can risk waiting for perfect conditions. 

This is the woman who raised me. 

Who lifted me out of my darkest conditions. 

I have to give her this moment. 

I have to give myself this moment.

I’m drenched in rain, my hair frizzing.

I’m wet and cold, a recipe for more disaster. 

But this moment is too important for me to wait and see if anything changes. 

I remember back at the hospital, tears running down my face, emotions racing through my body..

The moment I most needed a moment..

“Will you be donating your Aunt’s organs?” 

It felt like such an inconvenient time. 

Kinda like right now. 

But if it’s important enough you’ll go. 

If it’s important enough you’ll give. 

The clouds are gray, there’s thunder, and lightning.

The conditions are not perfect.

And that is why you are most needed, right now. 

It’s wet. It’s cold.

But you need to go. 

You need to give. 

Unless..

you want to wait for perfect conditions, and see if anything changes.

🔐 Unlocking the true meaning

My heart is racing.

I wish today could be skipped.

Report card day.

I want to see it.

No wait..

I don’t want to see it.

What will it say?

Did I fail any classes?

Ok, let’s be real..

How many classes did I fail? 

Notes: “Mandell struggles with comprehension.”

Noted. 

At least by mom. 

And so she gives me things to read..

Ughhh..

“But mommm..

School is over, can I get a break?”

I’m already feeling so lost in school, do I have to feel lost with you too? 

“Man, I want you to read this, and tell me what it means to you.” 

You are standing in a circle with nine of your friends. Each of you is given five-one dollar bills. 

Yours to keep. 

Or..

You can give any of the dollars to a public good pot. 

Each dollar given will be doubled and then the pot will be divided equally. 

If no one gives, everyone goes home with five dollars. 

If everyone gives the entire amount, everyone takes home ten dollars. 

But here’s the opportunity..

Let’s say you give $1, but none of your friends give.. 

You will now go home with $4.20.

And the more you give, the less you take home. 

But as it turns out, the more everyone gives, the more everyone gets. 

Notes from mom: I want you to read this, and tell me what it means to you.

These are tomorrow’s promises

I know if I don’t do it today, I’ll never do it. 

Do I increase the amount I’m contributing to my 401k or do I leave it where it is?

There’s an option called..

Save More Tomorrow.

I can choose to automatically escalate my contribution percentage each year until it’s maxed out.

But bringing more money home today seems like a better option. 

This thing keeps increasing every year?

What will happen in a few years? 

Will I have enough to live off of? 

But dad says I shouldn't worry about it. 

He says the money is deducted before taxes so you don’t really feel it. 

But I’m feeling it now. 

At least in my head. 

Give More Tomorrow. 

Imagine if you could choose to automatically increase your giving every year, until you maxed out. 

And maybe after you imagine..

You just do it.

A book on generosity

Already a bestseller..

I thought I could record it in one take. 

I was happily mistaken. 

Two days later..

having stopped countless times..

I was finished.

Record, listen, stop, rerecord, playback, edit, rewind..

(I thought I would record it in one take.)

Fastforward..

By the time I was finished, I had stumbled upon some life lessons. 

Slow down. Keep going. You get better. Drink water. You can walk away and come back. You did better than you thought. You will stumble. It’s ok to laugh at yourself. Look for the waves. The heavy breaths are proof you’re still alive. It’ll be finished soon enough. Leave room for change. Go back to the book..

The Song of Significance.

Generosity will find you

A friend of mine runs her own baking business, a few days ago she jokingly posted her amazon shopping cart filled with baking supplies to help improve her process. A few days later she received a bunch of the items from her list in the mail. 

Generosity found her. 

When I was planning my trip to Sweden, I asked my friend (who lives here) for a good area to rent an airbnb. Instead, she offered me the guest room in her home. 

Generosity found me. 

My friend and coworker Maria is fighting brain cancer. Less than two weeks ago a friend of hers set up a gofundme for her. To date, 76 people have donated $5,625, with one anonymous giver donating $300. 

Generosity found her. 

The question is not whether generosity will find you. 

It will. 

Instead, the question is..

when generosity does find you, what will it find you doing? 

Will it find you thinking you somehow deserve it? 

Will it find you trying to earn it? 

Will it find you looking for it?

or..

Will it find you being it? 

You don’t have to look for generosity. 

Generosity will find you.