Become A Better Giver.
THE DAILY TITHE
you have not because you ask not
I can hear my grandmother now.
You have not because you ask not.
Truth.
Straight from the Bible.
You have not because you ask not.
A few days ago I texted a friend. I wanted some information on a course she had previously taken.
She gave me the information I needed and I thanked her.
Her response?
“Ask and you shall receive.”
I can hear my grandmother now.
Truth.
Straight from the Bible.
Ask and you shall receive.
There is someone who has the very thing that you want.
And they’re waiting to give it.
All you have to do is ask.
What’s yours?
Every today is trading day
In 2021 NBA guard Caris LeVert was traded from the Brooklyn Nets to the Indiana Pacers.
Part of NBA protocol requires players to take a team physical before any trade can be finalized.
After taking his physical, the results came in.
Out indefinitely, a large mass was found on his kidney.
We don’t often like trades.
They’re uncomfortable.
We miss home.
Our family & friends.
The things we’re used to.
Yet, it’s the very thing that might save our life.
Every today is trading day.
What will you trade?
The thing that is silently killing you?
Are you willing to trade it for more life?
Every today is trading day.
What will you trade?
Tv for reading?
Social media for writing?
Work for rest?
Physical gifts for spiritual gifts?
Immediate satisfaction for delayed gratification?
Every today can be your birthday too.
Even on trading day.
Now make the trade.
P.S. As many of you probably already know, yesterday was my birthday and the truth is, I don’t need anymore gifts. However, if you’re the type of person that enjoys piling things on, signing up for The Daily Tithe (here) would really mean the world to me.
Every today can be your birthday too
We love to get gifts.
Birthday, holidays, anniversaries,
We love to get gifts.
And every today can be your birthday too.
Your holiday too.
Your anniversary too.
If you love to give gifts.
To yourself.
Imagine every today you gave yourself a gift.
A goal, a plan, a chance.
More rest, more love, more kindness.
Every today could be your birthday too.
Your holiday too,
Your anniversary too.
Give a gift to yourself.
Every today.
Sounds like a birthday to me.
A holiday.
An anniversary.
Every today.
What are the gift(s) you are going to give yourself every today?
More writing. More storytelling. More reading. More traveling. More learning. More trying. More failing. More thinking. More creating. More experiences.
More birthdays. More holidays. More anniversaries.
But that’s me.
What about you?
Every today can be your birthday too.
Who loses if you..
“Who loses if you don’t win?” - a question posed by a colleague during a team meeting today.
Said another way..
Who loses if you don’t bring your gift to the world?
Who loses if you don’t give the thing only you’ve got?
Who loses if you hide your talent?
Your skills. Your story.
Who?
Can you see them?
Can you look them in their eyes?
They win if you..
Give?
You’re tired aren’t you?
Muscle fatigue occurs when we perform the same routine everyday.
Left with no time to repair, our muscles become sore or strained.
Worse- when we use the same muscle groups, we hinder our muscle growth.
Does anyone ever get tired of giving?
Or do they get tired of giving the same way and receiving the same results?
We want our giving muscles to grow, but they’re fatigued.
Can we give different this time?
Might rest change things?
Might exercising a different giving muscle be the fix we need?
Today I am going to give like this..
Today I am going to give to this..
Giving is a muscle.
Give, rest, and watch it grow.
Stop lying to You
Two days ago I was speaking to my job's physical therapist when I asked..
“How many employees take your advice and actually go home and put it into practice?”
Her facial expression was very telling.
“Only a small percentage.”
She expressed how being a new mom of two small children has helped her understand how hard it can be to go home and work on yourself, or in this case, your health.
“You put everyone first, and yourself last”
As one mom explained to her- “By the time I get off work, get the kids, make dinner, do homework, and finally get them to bed, I’m exhausted. There is no time for me.”
Or in this case, for her health.
At least that’s what she said.
But even with no children I can imagine the dilemma.
Still I wondered, and subsequently asked..
“Which mom is the better mom- a healthy you or an unhealthy you?”
“How much more could you give to your children if you were healthy?”
Are your children worth a few minutes of your day to get you right?
To be better for them?
“I would do anything for my children!”
At least that’s what we say.
No really, what would you do for your children?
Anything?
Even if it meant giving to yourself?
Working on yourself?
Working on your health?
Are you lying to yourself?
Is it the things we do for our children, or is it the things we say we do for our children?
Could it actually be for us?
What might happen if you gave yourself time to work on yourself?
To work on your health.
What might you be able to give to your children?
A better you?.
But if you won’t give it to yourself, how could you give..?
Who do you want to be when you grow up?
Remember when we were children?
And someone would ask..
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
I think the better question might've been..
“Who do you want to be when you grow up?”
Better than what type of job..
What type of person?
Because what can’t a grown you become?
Thinking about these questions I can’t help but think about tomorrow.
And maybe tomorrow is a better time frame to work with.
Who do you want to be tomorrow?
Next week-month-year?
What type of person?
And what do you have to give yourself today in order to get there?
Thinking about these questions I can’t help but think about growing up.
Not because we’re still children, rather because we have more growing to do.
More giving..
What is the tomorrow you want to give yourself to?
Who needs to be there?
Is it only for you?
Your family?
Friends?
Your work?
Charity?
Ok, second to last question..
Do you have to give more than you’ve been giving to grow more than you’ve been growing?
IDK
Who do you want to be when you grow up?
every year Grandma gave us blankets
My sister, cousins, and I.
We didn’t appreciate them.
Blankets were so..boring.
We were children. We wanted toys, money,
clothes, shoes, gadgets, and electronics.
You know, something cool.
The same things our friends were getting.
Something that wouldn’t last.
Something that would fade away.
Something we wouldn’t appreciate later.
Temporary. Now.
But instead, we got blankets.
Something we didn’t want, but needed.
Quality blankets.
Blankets that still cover and keep us warm.
Turns out, every year, Grandma gave us much more than a blanket.
Have you ever received a gift only on its surface level?
Have you ever received a gift you thought was boring, but looking back, wish you had today?
Grandma passed away in 2017, but my sister, cousins, and I still talk about those blankets.
Picture: Grandma with my cousin Michael.
P.S. Giving is Like- even on your wedding day.
If nobody told you
A young woman was shopping at Costco when she phoned home to get a list of things needed.
There was one problem.
The service in Costco sucked.
And the young lady was getting visibly frustrated.
A co-worker also witnessing suggested she buy what she would buy if she had nobody to tell her.
Which reminded me..
Growing up in church I’ve witnessed many services in which the person holding the microphone would look out into the audience and say “It’s time to give”. Even worse, suggest how much each individual should give.
And now I’m left wondering..
If nobody told you..
When would you give?
How much would you give?
What do you want to destroy?
Look around, some of the best ideas destroy something.
The iPhone destroyed the iPod.
Netflix destroyed Blockbuster.
Google destroyed Yahoo.
Thinking about this, I asked myself..
“Mandell, what do you want Giving is Like to destroy?”
We’ve all had an idea to give.
“Should I give to..?”
Maybe the better question is..
What do I want to destroy?
Have you seen your heart lately?
If you’re anything like me there’s not a day that goes by without you seeing yourself in a mirror.
Bathroom mirror.
Bedroom mirror.
Living room mirror.
Car mirror.
Work mirror.
Cell Phone camera.
But what about your heart?
Have you seen your heart lately?
If there was a mirror to show your heart, what might you see?
If you could take a picture of your heart..
Turns out giving is that mirror.
A reflection.
Of your heart.
I can see your heart.
It’s reflecting.
When you give. What you give. Why you give. How you give.
It all comes from the heart.
Have you seen your heart lately?
I am choosing today
I could have chosen Monday, but instead..
I am choosing today.
To write.
To publish.
I haven’t written anything since.
17 days.
Traveling.
Playing host to visiting family.
Excuses.
Lack of priorities.
And now today’s Wednesday.
Why start back on a Wednesday?
Just wait until Monday.
I could have, but instead..
I am choosing today.
Should I wait until Monday to give to myself?
Or should I choose today?
Should I wait until Monday to give to others?
Or should I choose today?
Should you wait?
Or should you choose today?
How many people can you save?
Put your own oxygen mask on first, before attempting to help those around you.
If you’ve ever been on an airplane you’ve probably heard those words.
“How selfish!”
“If I were a father, I’d definitely help my children first.”
At least that’s what I told myself.
It sounded good. It sounded like I was being a real man and a good father.
“I can handle it. I can take it on. I’ll get back to myself. Let me help them first.”
How many people can you save?
With no oxygen?
Your two year old won’t survive.
Either.
The more I think of this story the more I think of giving.
We try to give to everyone else first, before we ever give to ourselves.
“But that’s my...”
“I can handle it. I can take it on. I’ll get back to myself. Let me help them first.”
At least that’s what we tell ourselves.
Even if it means dying before actually saving anyone.
How many people can you save?
With no oxygen?
What might happen if you gave to yourself first, before attempting to give to those around you?
How much more?
Maybe we can all survive.
Promise me you’ll write to me
I should’ve been upstairs writing.
Instead I was sitting on the couch looking for something to watch on tv.
Nothing piqued my interest, but the resistance to getting over my fears was way too strong.
I decided to turn on Netflix and watch “42”.
I’ve been trying to watch this movie for some time now, plus it’s educational, a black movie - about Jackie Robinson.
That’s what I told myself.
I needed an excuse for the fear.
Fast forward to the middle of the movie. Jackie Robinson is getting ready to leave his family for a road trip. His wife looked at him and said: “Promise me you’ll write to me”.
I knew it was for me.
Mandell, promise me you’ll write to me.
I sat and pondered.
Mandell, promise me you’ll give to me?
What are you afraid of?
What are you running away from?
Where is the resistance?
Promise me you’ll give to you.
Promise me.
Even on a Friday
Have you ever eaten food that was so good you asked for the recipe?
“Grandma, how did you make this?”
“Yea, but how much?” - *as grandma lists the ingredients*
Grandma would say there is no set amount.
It’s a feeling. She just knew. She knew it with her heart, her eyes, and her intuition.
I want my giving to be that good.
As good as grandma’s sweet potato pie.
How much should I give?
It’s a question I often ask myself.
And then I remind myself,
Just like grandma’s cooking, there is no set amount.
It’s a feeling. I know. It’s in my heart.
That's why I’m writing this to you now, at 11:31pm on a Friday.
I knew I had to, it’s a feeling, in my heart.
How much should you give?
Even On The Water
In case you were wondering, I’ve been on the water.
In Senegal.
I’m back now.
Yet, even while away, I thought of you.
I thought of giving.
Even on the water.
It was one day in particular. We were on the water, heading from one island to the next. Our captain spotted fishermen in a nearby boat, and decided he wanted to buy some fish.
A few moments after flagging the boat over, we were side by side, completing a business deal.
On the water.
Speaking to my friend I said, “That’s all business is, giving the customer what they want”.
Even on the water.
How do you hook arms?
It’s the question I asked myself after a laughter filled conversation with the admirable Helena Roth - for her Tankespjärn podcast.
Helena and I were discussing our preferred method of online learning, when Helena mentioned her preference for communal over self paced.
Her reasoning for not choosing the latter?
“There is nobody to hook arms with”.
This episode is book heavy. It’s for lovers of books and lovers of learning, or those who aspire to be.
When you listen to this episode- not only will you hear the stories of books, what led us to them and what they eventually led us to, but you will also hear the joy that both Helena and I share for books.
And thanks to Helena- I now see, the joy - not only in books, but also in having someone to hook arms with.
Every conversation I’ve ever had about a book, it was/is an opportunity to hook arms with someone.
Thanks to Helena for hooking arms with me, not only as students in Story Skills, but also for this podcast episode.
And thanks to you, the reader and listener, for hooking arms with us, and the rest of the Giving is Like & Tankespjärn community, as we journey through a joyful conversation of laughter, learning, and literature.
Three Hours to your fans
A few weeks ago, in a meeting with a group of colleagues, I shared my experience from a recent Burna Boy concert I attended.
A few days prior I got word that Burna Boy was going to be in concert at Madison Square Garden. My schedule was pretty free that evening, so in the 11th hour, I purchased a ticket.
I wouldn’t have considered myself a Burna Boy or AfroBeats fan by any stretch of the imagination. For one I had confused Burna Boy with Stormzy and two, other than the choruses from “Ye” and “Essence” I knew the words to zero Afrobeats songs.
However, there were a few reasons I wanted to go.
In the last 7 months I’ve traveled to Africa 4 times, and quite frankly, everything Africa appeals to me now.
I was on a concert high. Prior to the Burna Boy concert I had gone to 5 concerts in a week's time.
I love “Ye” and was curious how it would sound in a stadium full of 20,000 people all singing along.
Oh, and if that wasn’t enough- I love being a part of history.
1st Nigerian artist to ever sell out MSG.
Ye, I had to be there.
Still, I was not expecting what transpired.
As I shared on Instagram- I’ve been to my fair share of concerts. I’ve seen a plethora of artists that many would consider the G.O.A.T. of their genres.
Yet, this might’ve been the greatest concert I’ve ever attended.
Maybe it was the atmosphere. It felt like I was in Africa.
Maybe it was how proud I was to see an African brother representing and crushing it. Song after song, hit after hit.
Maybe it was how heavily African culture was incorporated in the set. The music and musicians, the backup singers and dancers, and the educational elements.
Maybe it was a culmination of them all.
Whatever it was, it was, and it was for 3 hours.
Burna Boy gave everything he had for 3 hours.
An insane performance, from an incredible performer.
His showmanship and stage presence was among the best I’ve ever seen.
I shared these sentiments with my colleagues, which lead to one colleague asking the group:
What if we gave three hours to our fans?
What would it look like?
What if we gave 3 hours to the people who love and support us?
All out. For three hours.
Everything we have to the people who have subscribed and enrolled on the journey with us.
Three hours to the people who have raised their hands and said “Yes, I am a fan, show me”.
The people who want to see us, who want to hear from us.
What would we give them? How would we show up for them?
Those who are looking to us.
As you might imagine, her questions resonated with me deeply. It’s been a few weeks now and I still think about that conversation often. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
What if you gave three hours to your fans?
Over and over again.
What about your friend? Or your family member who sometimes gets discouraged, who sometimes struggles with doubts and fears. Tell them this story, and ask them our question.
What would it look like to give three hours to your fans?
Over and over again.
Mom I see you
And when I lock eyes with you I see my reflection.
I see me in you. I see what is possible because of you.
When I look in the mirror. When someone gives me a compliment.
When it’s hard. When it’s tough. When I fall. When I get up.
When I pray. When I laugh. When I cry, When I dance.
When I read. When I write. When I speak.
When I walk through the house.
Mom I see you.
When I’m kind. When I’m not. When I’m honest. When I lie.
When I iron. When I do laundry. When I cook. When I clean.
When I doubt myself. When I have faith. When I see Dad.
When I see our family. When I see your friends.
When I travel. When I’m scared. When I’m blessed and I know it.
Mom I see you.
In all the pictures, although they are few.
Is seeing you ever enough?
And when I lock eyes with you I see my reflection.
Dear Moms: I see you.
When you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. When you’re harassed.
When it’s hard to love yourself. When it’s difficult. When you make a mistake.
When you have regrets. When you’re sad. When you’re mad.
When you don’t know how to pray. When you can’t find the strength.
When you’re unsure how you’re going to get through. When you smile.
When the tears can’t help but fall. When you buss a two step. When you’re alone.
When you’re feeling lonely. When you want to scream. When you do.
When you go to work anyway. When you’re stressed. When your hair is slayed.
When your heels are high. When your head is too. When you cook and clean.
When you’re down. When you’re up. When you pay. When you play.
When you give, and you feel like you have no more left.
When you want more, but you don’t know how.
This is for every mother who has ever wondered-
“Does anybody see me?”
Mom I see you.
And when I lock eyes with you, I see my mothers reflection.
Mom I see you.
Does anybody see me? There is probably a mother(s) you know, asking the same thing, and just by sharing this post you’ve given her an answer. Mom I see you.
to not be Mom
What would it be like to not be mom?
To not give life.
To not be responsible for another human.
To not worry about their whereabouts.
To not wonder if you’re good enough.
To not be afraid of what this world might do to them.
To not stress over their behavior.
To not feel like you’re doing it alone.
To not have to potty train.
To not have to hear your name. (1 million times)
To not be awakened from your sleep.
To not pay anymore school visits.
To not get another letter home.
To not hear anymore crying.
To not hurt when they hurt.
To not cry when they aren’t accepted.
What would it be like to not be mom?
Would you even want to know?
Imagine what you’ll miss.
A chance to give. A chance to save. A chance to love. To be brave. To believe. To see yourself doing it. To prove to yourself that you can. To not feel alone. To feel the love. To enjoy the innocence.
To make the memories. To celebrate. To laugh until you cry. To be responsible for another human. To be patient. To be kind. To trust. To hope. To see the good and the possibility.
Oh, and the tears of joy.
Your face. Your smile. The name you gave. Your personality. Your flair. Your humor. Your style. Your creativity. Your gift.
Your child. Your purpose. Yours. All yours.
What would it be like to not be mom?
Well, that’s the thing about being mom- you don’t get to not be mom.
PS.- To all the moms reading this, thank you for being mom.
And if you know a mom who might need to hear this, it’s yours to share.
PPS.- Tomorrow is the last of the Mother’s Day trilogy, here's the best way to save yourself from missing out.