It’s Lonely in The beginning

September 1996- I was beginning my first day of the third grade, in a new school. 

I was terrified.

Beginning a new grade didn’t bother me, beginning a new school did. 

I didn’t know anyone.

How would this play out? 

Just the thought of not knowing - alone, is pretty scary. 

Just the thought of my mother leaving me there brought me to tears. 

Just the thought of beginning, again. 

As much as she tried to convince me everything would be ok, I was still lonely. 

Still sad and afraid.

I cried the entire morning. 

I didn’t want to go. 

Much worse, when we arrived at the school and mom said “Ok, I’m going to leave now”. 

I wailed out in tears. 

“No, please, no, don’t leave me, stay with me please mommy”.

Back then parents didn’t stay with their children on the first day, besides mom had to go to work. 

Still, she agreed to stay a little while, and for a moment I would be a little ok, but the moment she hinted at leaving, the tears began again. 

Back and forth we went, until finally she just left. 

I cried and cried, until I didn’t. 

The next day it was as if the first day never happened. 

I spent two years at that school and made my share of friends, some I still remember today. 

But it's hard to see in the beginning. 

And beyond the tears, the little that you do see, brings more tears, and leaves you feeling afraid and lonely. 

All I can see, is me alone. 

It’s lonely in the beginning. 

But it’s only the beginning. 

You meet people, make friends, and everything changes. 

I wonder if you know anyone who is at a new beginning? 

New school, new job, new city, or maybe just a new place in their life, unfamiliar territory.  

What can you give? 

Can you stay for a few minutes? It might not stop the tears, but they’ll be grateful you were there. 

Or maybe the gift is in the moments after you leave, and they begin figuring things out, they make friends, memories, and the beginning doesn't feel like the beginning anymore. 

Lonely.