Become A Better Giver.
THE DAILY TITHE
Thee question of every holiday season.
You know the question. You’ve heard asked it a million times. You’ve asked it a million more.
It comes up every single year. You spend more time thinking about it than you probably want to. You ask others for their opinion. Sometimes it even stresses you out.
So here are a few ideas:
Give what you believe.
Which means you first have to be clear on what you believe.
How should the world be? What are your vibrating values?
For example: If you believe everyone should have access to clean water you might give support a charity that supports what you believe.
Here’s another:
Give what they believe.
This works well for those who have everyTHING.
For example: Your boss has all the things. But she is currently looking for volunteers to help her feed the homeless in the neighborhood she grew up in. You might give your time to something she believes. (Everyone should have access to food)
Here’s another:
Give a gift that increases in value.
We’ve all heard of an investment buy. Things that increase in value over time.
Well what about an investment gift? A gift that increases in value over time?
For example:
The one child you volunteered and mentored is now mentoring other children. And soon those children will become something they would have never become if you never made that initial investment that is now increasing over time.
What should I give?
Or maybe even better..
What can I give?
Ya, even on Halloween
Way back in 2022 I took a podcasting workshop.
The BIG idea of the workshop was that in less than three months you’d have your podcast published.
But I didn’t want my own podcast. Still, I figured I’d join anyway and learn all I could.
60 seconds.
That’s all it took.
My biggest gain.
My biggest win.
And then I met the podcasting wizard that is Craig Constantine.
Inside of The Podcasting Workshop was a category.
“One Minute A Day”
The BIG idea - record yourself for just one minute a day.
One minute? That’s it? I could do that.
And I did..
fall in love..
with the journey.
And Craig was someone who helped deepen that love.
Not only does Craig have his own podcast, but he's also like a coach of sorts, and he’d been a part of the workshop for multiple sessions. And ultimately, he is, a gem dropping..
Remarkable.
Craig and I caught up recently and it led to his idea.
Me as a guest on his podcast.
BIG for me.
In 28 minutes, you’ll hear Craig and I discuss:
Generosity in podcasting
My daily writing challenges
What would happen if I just sat in discomfort for a little longer
You’ll also hear me laughing.
A lot.
Like when discussing why my big ol’ 6’3 250+lb behind was in a clothing closet at my father’s house.
Treat yourself, don't cheat yourself.
And hopefully you’ll laugh as much as I did.
P.S. And since it’s Halloween, here’s another super fun/helpful fact/treat people mention to me all the time. One that doesn’t exist without 60 seconds.
Favorite Topic Ever- Nobody
It’s easier once you start.
It’s harder once you stop.
(Oh the joys of commitment!)
For the last three + years I’ve been committed to a book club.
But not just any book club.
I’ve been committed to buying, reading, and sharing insights.
Showing up, committed to learning.
For myself, and others.
What a gift.
You probably didn’t know this but..
I had the privilege of being a guest on Holly’s podcast- Cultures Within Capitalism.
(Juicy title. I know.)
And by now you’ve probably guessed..
We had a juicy conversation as well.
Some of the juice is about commitment.
And the biggest lesson I learned after spending a week with a couple married for 57 years.
And then there’s plenty of juice I’ve never shared publicly like..
The next project I’m working on.
The one book I’ve never finished that changed my life forever.
My mother, the playwright and director and what that meant for me.
What kickstarted my now three year coaching journey for one of the most prestigious online learning platforms, founded by one of the most respected entrepreneurs ever.
And about me leaving the church founded by my grandmother, the only church I’ve known for the last 22 years.
How did Holly do it?
She asked?
And in return I saw things about my life that I never thought of, and or connected.
What a gift.
Toward the end you’ll hear Holly ask..
me to share some advice. And as fate would have it, the advice is so powerful I need to listen..
P.S. If you assumed a podcast with capitalism in its title would at least talk about business. You are right.
(Like the trick restaurants play to get more money from you.)
And how similar marriage is to business. + How similar they are not.
(Wait, is marriage a business?)
You probably never knew
Kaizen.
A compound of two Japanese words that together translate as “good change” or “improvement.”
“Continuous improvement” = “Getting a little better all the time”
Many books are read, many workshops taken, and many seminars are attended, in the name of Kaizen.
I like to think of giving in the same way.
Our giving can make good change and improvement in us, and in the areas we choose to give to.
If we decide to be givers, and if we are going to give, why not do it with a Kaizen mindset?
Continuously improving.
Getting a little better all the time.
Giving better doesn’t mean giving more.
Giving better could mean the heart you give with.
It could mean who you give to and when.
Our continuous improvement means things around us continuously improve.
The good change that happens in us, is the good change that happens around us.
A little better all the time.
Happy Kaizen.
🥂
Generosity comes before growth
Generosity comes before growth.
It’s true. I checked the dictionary.
I often hear of schools closing because of lack of funds. I wonder how generous they’d been to their community, staff, students, and parents.
I often hear of businesses struggling financially. I wonder how generous they are to their community, staff, and customers.
I often see churches praying to the heavens for their church to grow. I wonder how generous they are to their community, attendees, volunteers, and staff.
Generosity comes before growth.
It could be the reason you grow or the reason you don’t.
It could be the reason you stay open or the reason you don't.
Everyone was doing it
A few days ago I ended The Daily Tithe with this imagination..
“Imagine a world where generosity is so commonplace, no one expects a reward.”
Which led me to thinking..
Could scarcity & surprise be the very reason generosity is special?
Would a world where everyone was always generous rob generosity of its power & essence?
Would it be the same if everyone was doing it?
Is it special because “No one does this around here.”
Or
Is it special because “No one does this for me.”
Could it be both?
“I’m surprised by how scarce it is towards all of us & I’m surprised by how scarce it is towards me.”
If any of this is true, that would mean you have the ability to do rare, special, & powerful things.
It would mean you could be so unique that you would surprise a lot of people.
And it would mean your essence could be so scarce that everyone would love being in your presence.
Not because you’re doing what everyone is doing, rather because you’re not.
How to change a community.
“What we do around here” - my favorite definition of culture.
I’ve stepped into homes, businesses, and churches where generosity was the culture.
Similarly, I’ve stepped into homes, businesses, and churches where generosity was not “what we do around here”.
And I’ve found the common denominator.
People.
So if you’re a part of any or all of the three, you have a shot at making generosity “what we do around here”.
You have a chance to change the culture and change a community.
Some people want to be seen..
Recently I spent a week with an incredibly generous couple. Fifty seven years of marriage.
Still happy. Still in love.
As I sat back gleaning from their wisdom, I wondered how generous two people have to be to produce a marriage so healthy, for so long.
Thankfully, I never asked.
I watched how generous they were with each other.
And I listened to how generous they were with others.
Seamlessly.
Almost as if it was done in passing.
Very casually, simply a way of life.
A quiet generosity, yet at the sametime, impactfully loud.
Picture me..
listening to a story about their favorite restaurant, and out of the corner of my ears I hear mention of a woman whom they met. She was lonely, didn’t have any family, and they decided to spend time with her, and take her to her favorite restaurant once a week for lunch.
Or the story of the woman who was dying of cancer with all her family overseas, and how they volunteered to be her caretakers.
Or the times they were executors of estates for friends and refused to accept payment.
None of these were the main story. All mentioned in passing.
But..
Wow!
The unordinary seemed so ordinary to them.
If you look into their marriage, and listen to their stories, deep down you’ll find one thing..
And in a world full of selfish attention seekers, it’s amazing how much it stands out.
Unintentionally.
Your reward for generosity.
But there is a reward.
The irony of yesterday’s post..
Even if the school doesn’t give a reward for perfect attendance.
The reward is practicing showing up.
And the reward for showing up is putting oneself in position to learn.
And the reward for learning..
+ the rewards in building relationships with teachers and peers.
Often, the greatest reward is not the one being advertised.
Not the one you’re chasing.
Not the immediate one.
It’s often hidden and unknown.
It reveals itself when least expected.
It’s not from an outside source.
It’s embedded.
………..happening in real time.
P.S. I received this reward 25 years ago, yet this wasn’t the real reward. Which probably explains why my name is spelled wrong. 😊
Sorry, no reward for that.
Stretched out at the dentist office, I listened as my dentist and her assistant spoke of her up-coming retirement.
“In all my years working I’ve never called out sick.”
Her perfect attendance reminded my dentist of the perfect attendance awards she received as a child.
In which the assistant replied..
“There were no attendance awards when I was coming up, perfect attendance was expected.”
Which reminded the patient of generosity..
“Imagine a world where generosity never calls out sick, and is so commonplace it doesn’t expect a reward.”
They’re watching to see how you treat you.
My eyes squint whenever I hear someone declare how generous they are.
I want to see their heart.
I want to see how they treat themselves.
Often what follows is some version of them being tired or being taken advantage of.
Which makes me wonder how generous they truly are.
Are they so generous they forgot to be generous to themselves?
But isn’t that where generosity begins?
A decision you make, about you, others, and your work?
Upping the generosity every time
You’re probably familiar with the term upselling..
To persuade a customer to buy something additional or more expensive.
But what if there was a such thing as upgiving..
To give something additional or more “expensive” without being persuaded.
We make it too hard
The BIG easy
By accepting all forms of payments nonprofits have made it easy to generous.
No cash? Great, we accept debit/credit.
No debit/credit? Great, we accept checks.
No checks? Great, we accept cash, stocks, bitcoin, time, expertise, and any other resource you have.
There has never been an excuse not to be generous, and it gets easier and easier by the day.
In fact, you don’t need a nonprofit to make it easy for you.
You can make it easy for yourself.
Does going to church make it easy for you?
What about walking past a soup chicken everyday?
How about putting your phone away long enough to notice the person in front of you struggling to carry their bags?
There are so many ways to be generous.
Make it BIG easy.
For you.
Be kind enough to steal
Last night I was chatting with a new friend when she mentioned an amazing idea she’s a part of.
Twenty women gather together, each bringing a book they love.
Everyone gathers around and places their book on a table.
Thanks to the name tags everyone is wearing it’s no secret who brought which book.
Around the room we go as each person explains why they chose their book.
As one person explains, another person is saying..
“Oh wow, I need that book. That’s the book for me.”
And indeed it is.
If there is a book that resonates with you, that book is yours to have.
No one leaves without giving.
No one leaves without receiving.
New knowledge. A new friend & A new book.
Oh the depth of generosity.
A paperclip and generosity.
Professor Zoe Chance decided to play a week-long game with her MBA class.
The game is called Bigger & Better.
You start with a paperclip and trade up for something bigger and better.
And you continue trading up for..
Bigger and better.
Manus McCaffery and Tom Powell were two students in Professor Zoe’s class who decided to take this game to a new level.
Bigger and better.
Tom and Manus spent the week speaking to business owners and neighbors:
“We’re playing this game called Bigger and Better. It’s for a good cause and we need your help..”
They made ten trades in total.
Paper clip for gift certificate.
Certificate for a box of cupcakes.
Cupcakes for brooch.
Brooch for a travel mug.
Mug for gift card.
Gift card for another gift card.
Gift card for a bottle of cologne.
Cologne for a fancy camera bag.
Camera bag for $1500 oil painting.
Oil Painting for a..
It turns out that the final item was too big to bring into the classroom, so they invited the class to come outside.
And outside in front of the school Bigger and Better was written across the windshield of a Volkswagen Jetta.
Tom and Manus had managed to persuade a car dealer by the name of Caroline Hefferman to trade a used car for the painting.
Caroline has a history of supporting good causes, so when the opportunity to be generous presented itself, Caroline did what she often does.
When the class thanked Caroline, feeling really good about helping, she thanked them instead.
With the car in their possession Tom and Manus decided to call IRIS, a local refugee resettlement agency, to donate the car to a refugee family.
And later they met the recipient - A young mom who had been working as an accountant in Afghanistan before her family was displaced by war. And now, with her new car in hand, she could travel to work without having to commute two hours a day by bus.
Bigger and Better.
That’s technology for ya!
Over three decades ago, (when I first started going to church), there were only two ways to give during offering time.
Cash or Check.
As technology advanced, churches began adapting, and today, all forms of payments are accepted.
Bitcoin, Stock, Debit/Credit Cards Etc.
But up until last Sunday, I never changed.
Every Sunday, (and any other day I went to church) I made sure to have cash on me.
But on Saturday, remembering I had no cash, I made a mental note to go to the bank on my way to church.
And then Sunday came..
I’m rushing to get to church on time..
And now I’m sitting in church..
“Offering Time!!!”
Boom!!!
It hit me..
I forgot to go to the bank!!!
The basket is about to pass down my row and I have nothing.
Uuuggghhhhh..
Grandma taught me better than this.
And just as the thought passes, a QR code pops up on the projector.
I take out my phone and boom, I can still give!
Even better, they accept Apple Pay.
Thank the Lord!
And then it dawned on me..
Wait a minute..
I just used my Amex to give an offering.
The same Amex that gives me miles for every dollar I spend, while simultaneously increasing my status with Delta, which offers plenty of other benefits.
Wait a minute..
You mean to tell me- whenever I give, it comes back to me?
I can’t wait to give again!
See, it’s not only you Pt2.
Things Givers Don’t Like (Updated List)
You made it hard for me.
So hard that I decided to remove the original four and use the gold you gave me instead.
I went back and forth for over an hour looking for overlap, while choosing the most common and unique “Don’t Likes”.
The entire process was proof- “See, it’s not only you”.
We are so similar. We want to give.
But there are things we don’t like about giving. They don’t make us feel good about giving.
And sometimes, they stop us from giving altogether.
Generosity is giving more than is necessary or expected.
And as I read each email it was clear, you are generous.
Thank you.
Things Givers Don’t Like (Updated List)
1. When people give without a cheerful heart and then complain about it later.
2. Being asked at the last minute.
3. When people give and expect something in return.
4. People who give only to broadcast their gift.
5. Not being thanked or acknowledged for giving.
6. People who are ungrateful.
7. The lack of reciprocity.
8. Being asked to give more, just after I’ve already given.
9. When the gift is given out of obligation and not from the heart.
10. People who see, but obviously ignore an opportunity to give.
Gold.
P.S. If you missed out on the opportunity to give to this list, and you have something to share, feel free to send me an email. I love free gifts. (mandell@givingislike.com)
A restaurant to be remembered.
37% wrong. 99% happy.
The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders is a restaurant in Japan where all the servers have dementia.
37% of orders are delivered wrong, yet 99% of customers are happy.
I’m thinking..
You have to be a special kind of person to willingly go to this restaurant.
But then again, maybe all you have to do is be in touch with humanity.
Isn’t this how commonplace generosity should be?
Remember when we were kids and our parents would pre warn us about our behavior before we went out?
“Ok Man, we’re going into this store, I need you to be on your best behavior. Please don’t touch everything you see. Please don’t embarrass me.” - Mom
I imagine this is what knowingly visiting The Restaurant of Mistaken Orders is like, but the restaurant itself is your warning, preparing you to be generous because generosity is expected.
“I am about to go into this restaurant, I need to be my most generous self. Patient and kind. Please don’t embarrass yourself.” - Man
Fine, they didn’t get your order right.
You can still get generosity right.
(There is a place for mistakes and there is a place for generosity.)
How can we invite both into the same space?
It's in that space that a 90 y/o server says: “I used to think I couldn’t do this job, I’m so glad I came.”
It’s in that space that a diner is so inspired by the staff that she asks to take a photo to show her elderly mother who thinks her life is over.
It’s in that space that an employee says: “Living in a nursing home exciting things rarely happen, I was so excited to serve. It made me happy.”
As far as I’m concerned, the only mistake is that more places aren’t like this.
Remember when you used to read?
The average Vietnamese child reads less than 1 book a year.
Less than 8% of Vietnamese children are frequent readers.
In other words, most children in Vietnam don’t read.
Enter..
“Library of Dreams”- a Creative Library Project.
Their goal is to give books, cultural, creative, and artistic activities to children who would normally not have access.
As of May 2023, the project has built 142 libraries in schools across Vietnam helping 46,000 children have access to books & art activities.
As some parents and teachers put it- “Without the project, we wouldn't know when our children would be able to read and be surrounded with so many interesting and useful books.”
(Read the second half again)
After the 40th library..
the team at Library of Dreams realized that some schools could make half the effort.
And since then, 102 libraries have been built with the help of both Library of Dreams and the participating school.
All this makes me wonder..
Maybe the best gifts aren’t the gifts where we do all the work.
How much generosity do they need?
I don’t watch much tv, but on the rare occasion I do, there’s a 99% chance I’m watching my favorite tv show in the whole wide world.
Shark Tank.
On Shark Tank, every now and then a shark will offer the presenting entrepreneur half of their asking price, and leave them to raise the other half from another shark.
A few weeks ago while coaching in the altMBA I landed on feedback given by one student to another. Within the feedback was a link to the work of Alejandro Aravena.
Alejandro is an architect who believes in bringing the community into the process.
For him, the process is often building homes in poor countries where people who can’t afford a “good” house are often left with a smaller house, or even worse, building blocks.
And so Alejandro presents a question: Why not give them half a “good” house instead of a finished small house?
Looking at it this way, we can view housing as an on-going project.
Incremental Building.
And so Alejandro’s company builds homes that provide families with everything they couldn’t easily build alone, (concrete foundations, plumbing, and electricity), ensures they meet legal requirements, and then allows them to expand the rest.
Every house comes with a manual that teaches ways to expand, and families can enroll in building workshops run by Alejandro’s company. In the end families end up with a much more pleasant house than what they could have built completely on their own.
And so it makes me wonder..
As givers, how can we involve the people we hope to help in a way that leaves everyone whole?
Reminds me of this list we’ve been building for the last two days. (Friday is the deadline to submit)
Email me if you want to give your half to this on-going project? (mandell@givingislike.com)
P.S. Incremental Building.